A HAPPY day indeed!

Today is a celebration of a first and a last, for me. My baby girl is one today, and today is the LAST first birthday we will celebrate at our house. First birthdays are always such a time for me to remember my children's actual birth and that experience. I guess, perhaps, because I can still remember well what it was like to be pregnant, and how I felt during the time of their birth. By the second birthday most of that has become more of a cloudy memory, rather than a very clear one. And, perhaps, Georgia being my last, I will remember more vividly the details of her birth. That, and it was short and drug free, therefore there is less to remember and there isn't a narcotic induced haze over it.

As always, I can't believe it has already been a year. One year just goes by so quickly. Especially since I do love babies, especially my own, so very much. Babies are just awesome. Apparently, I've some insane love affair with being TOTALLY depended upon. I do love it though, however crazy it may be. I think I'd have babies over and over, if you know, I didn't have to be pregnant first and keep raising them afterward.

So Georgia. Yeah, she's walking, and finally sleeping through the night. She's raising hell during the day, so strong willed and DEMANDING of her way. About 50% of the time she is crying hysterically because her toy (or me)...or, rather, whatever object she's decided is a toy at the moment, isn't doing exactly what she wants it to do. It's rather amusing. She claps if she hears anyone clapping. Sometimes I turn on Wheel of Fortune just to watch her reaction. They do a rather lot of clapping on that show, and she has to drop everything she is doing to join the clapping. Again, amusing. She laughs if she hears anyone else laughing. We went to dinner last night and the table next to us was a group consuming alcohol and being rather obnoxious. Though we hardly noticed for the one year old at our table laughing hysterically because it seemed to her like that's what you were supposed to do. Again, it's amusing. Who can't be amused by a baby doing a forced laugh?

Today, also, I pretend to be a PTA Mom. Ugh. I'm dreading it, and relishing in the fact that after today, I'm a third of the way done pretending to be something I'm sooooo not. I don't know why I keep thinking just regular people do things like volunteer at the school to help with class parties and other things the teachers need. You have to be a certain kind of person for these activities. I really don't understand why, because I appreciate greatly the teachers at, especially, an elementary school. I'd like to show my appreciation by helping in some ways. But, alas, I'm not good at brown nosing and chuckling at things that aren't remotely funny, or talking in a super sweet, albeit totally fake, voice. And I'm really terrible at acting like something is the most pleasant thing I've ever enjoyed when it is really something I am merely enduring for the sake of someone else. Why can't these moms just act normal? I'm not saying they ought to act like what they are doing is miserable. In fact, one gets a certain amount of joy from being around a bunch of happy kids! Indeed. But just act happy. You needn't put on a show so that everyone in the world thinks you are Super Woman. No one is buying it, anyway. I'm just not, nor will I ever be a PTA Mom. But three days this year, I will put on my fake smile, throw in my fake laugh, and spend and inordinate amount of time worrying over and putting on a party for 22 first graders. Then, I will go back to just being a mom. An imperfect one. I will have to go back to merely expressing my appreciation and gratitude with cards and small gifts. Hopefully my children's teachers are accepting that those things are good enough and that, they too, do not have to endure yet another mom pretending to be perfect....and a whole lot of other things she really isn't.

Just when you think you are done being totally surprised!

You'd think by now, having raised three kids to at least a year (well, almost, anyway) that there were very few things that could still freak me the hell out. You'd be wrong if you thought that. I do react with a little more sanity then, say, crying my eyes out over a newborn with a little eye infection because he's born with an unopened tear duct. We have ridden the gauntlet with our middle child, and he hasn't even gotten started, I'm rather certain. They still do things, almost weekly, that just make me freak out and think, "Oh crap, what do I do?" If the fear that reigns in me shows on my face, they'd all be freaking too. Apparently my husband has much more faith in my ability to handle a crisis since he can't even bother to break his stare from the TV when I actually say out loud, "Oh crap, what do I do?" And he's right, but I've yet to actually have faith in myself. Luckily I have great faith in God. I can talk myself out of a certain amount of fear because of His repeated and unending faithfulness to me. And so we start again, one freak out at a time. I must say, though, the third child may cause me just as many, "oh crap!" moments, but they sure do cost us less in unnecessary visits to the Dr.'s office.

Begin rant. Just skip this part if you don't want to read my rantings, which may be hard to follow.
And I just have to vent today about vaccinations and ignorant people. Someone posted on FB today an article about a ten year old boy who died of meningitis. Tragic? Yes. Preventable? Doubtful. It was just another scare tactic story used to try and convince people that vaccinations are the end all be all in medicine. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-vax. No. Not.At.All. I vaccinate my kids, completely and sometimes even against my better judgment because the state tells me I have to (that's another rant all by itself). But this boy who died was ten years old and he (supposedly) caught meningitis at a swimming pool. The article, of course, goes on to blame the unvaccinated population, which, if you know anything about vaccinations, is absolutely stupid considering the facts. The first fact being that the vaccination is not even available to kids under 12 years old. The second fact being that the vaccination itself is relatively new, so MOST people aren't vaccinated for it. It's absolutely stupid to blame this tragedy on the non vaxing community. There's some stuff you can blame on them, but not this. And to do so just facilitates the same behavior on the "other side." Like the whole "vaccinations cause autism" crap. That too is scare tactic crap with no basis in scientific proof whatsoever. It's all conjecture, personal experience, and other "junk" science. No one can prove this poor boy's death could have been prevented because they have no idea where he really contracted the meningitis and/or if the person he contracted it from shoulda/woulda/coulda been vaccinated. And my experience tells me that people who actually choose to try and educate themselves in this arena, and believe me, it is a lot of work to do so, do something similar to what I do, which is delay/devise a new schedule than the recommended one. People who don't care and/or trust the medical community completely, do what the AAP recommends. And people who believe scare tactics don't vaccinate at all. Of course there are people who believe scare tactics and vaccinate fully, on AAP schedule too, though those seem MUCH more rare. Yet, somehow, I get lumped in with all the whackados that don't vaccinate. And, yes, if you are reading this and you don't vaccinate your kids at all, I just called you a whackado. You are playing with fire, and you (or your kids, actually) WILL get burned by this risky and irresponsible behavior. It's only a matter of time. Hopefully you don't, also, kill someone else in the process of your stupidity. Not only that, but all the whackados are getting closer and closer to making it so those of us that delay responsibly and carefully can't safely do that either. For example, I can safely delay the polio vaccine to a year. Polio has not been irradicated. But in the US we have great herd immunity, for now. If all these suburban housewives claiming education as a reason to not vaccinate don't wise up, that will no longer even be an option because the risk for contracting polio will be too great. So, if you are going to go against what virtually all of mainstream society is doing, and your doctor is recommending, you damn well better know what you are doing is RIGHT! And if your only justification is some random, ridiculous scare tactic like, "my child might get autism," then you better start reading, because vaccines DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM!! And "because someone told me _________ happened to their kid, and I don't want that to happen to mine," is never a reason to do or not do something. Personal examples mean nothing. Scientific fact, however, does mean something. WHEW! End rant.

How is it Thanksgiving? How is my sweet baby girl, who was just eating, pooping, and sleeping without even being able to move herself, now walking, talking, severing frenulums, and just one month shy of a year? Oh time, please slow down. I know that I will have many seasons of my life, but I am certain this will be my most favorite one, so please let it go by ever so slowly. Please. I will try my very best to complain little, love much, and enjoy it, if you will just make it go really slow. Thanks.

I finally got to meet Cathe Friedrich and have a awesome weekend of fitness. It was great, and I've been so inspired to get even more fit. She is such a great motivation. I bought another DVD and am chompin' at the bit to buy even more.

Football is coming to a close. The boys last game is Saturday. The boys have had fun, but I am so glad it is almost over now.

Kaleb has lost his two front teeth now, courtesy of our dentist, again. Poor kid has lost 6 teeth now, but has yet to pull one himself. I really thought this one might come on it's own, but no such luck. None of the permanent teeth are dissolving the roots of the baby teeth, so the dentists has to pull them all. Poor guy, and poor Daddy's pocket book. We went the cheap route this last time, which caused significantly more dramatics, but Mommy hung out in the waiting room and Daddy dealt with the overreacting 6 year old. :) Speaking of teeth, the littlest one has a whole mouthful now. It's so cute. If you smile at her, she's taken to cheesing back at you, showing off all her pearly whites. She says "uh oh" and will give me some slobbery open mouthed kisses on cue, most of the time. And I'm going to pay for my raising with her. With Kaleb, I don't think Jeremy or I either one is paying for anything. He's pretty much perfect as far as 6 year olds go. Jaylan, well that is me paying for my brother's raising, which is completely unfair, but certainly helps me appreciate and value so many qualities and personality traits that I do not, myself, possess. And Georgia, well she throws HUGE fits because her toys don't behave the way she wants. Yes, her will is strong, a personality trait my mom has many times accused me of possessing. It's quite humorous, for now, however, I expect that strong will to challenge my own someday in ways more significant than the occasional temper tantrum caused when she isn't allowed to play in the toilet water.

It's been awhile since I last blogged. Football has gotten significantly better, however, it seems every Monday there is new drama. It's kind of just rolling of my back at this point because it is getting to be what is normal and expected. Yesterday they let one of the two coaches go from the Flag Team. He made a big cursing scene with a referee at the last game when his child was suspended for two games for choking another kid. Yeah, pretty sure those two needed the 'old heave ho' anyway. I was surprised by the behavior of both of them, but it's been escalating for some time now. Someone please shoot me if I mention playing football again next year. Kaleb is already looking forward to tackle, especially now that he is starting to have fun playing flag, but this sort of thing is just not for me and mine. They had a homecoming game, complete with queens, kings, dukes, duchesses, princes, and princess. It was so over the top, I kinda wanted to puke. But, in fairness, they did a relatively decent job a keeping kids from feeling left out/unpopular, and they did have a really good time. Our flaggers even almost won a game. They lost 12-14, which is the first game they've scored more than once in. Kaleb was named "Offensive Beast" for some great blocking for the runnning back, that lead, once, to a touchdown. I was proud. He is really starting to understand the game. :)

In other news, we recently hired a financial planner. Actually, he is a friend of mine from high school and a guy he went to college with that he's now in business with. I'm pretty excited about the prospect of an actual plan for our finances beyond how much money we'll spend on groceries this month. It's been a long time coming, but we just couldn't procrastinate it anymore. I think, especially Jeremy, is tired of seeing hard earned money just wasted away because we don't have any real goals or plans put into motion. It doesn't annoy me so much as it makes me worry. I worry about the future. The verse, "Who by worrying adds even one minute to their lives?" replays in my head quite frequently. Next week we meet with them again to start setting some goals. In the meantime, I've been tasked with gathering up everything that gives a picture of our lives. Everything. Yeah, it's not so much fun doing that. But I'll be significantly more organized after next week. :)

Georgia is fighting a cold, has been for like 10 days now. She's been sleeping until 9am occasionally, and last night I figured out why. She coughed from 330am to 430am. Yeah, I guess that means she'll need an extra hour of sleep somewhere. Poor baby. Just one of the many things in her path to becoming tough enough to survive being the baby in this house.

Jaylan is officially 5 and I am officially 32. Both our birthdays were last week. We had a nice home birthday party for Jaylan with church friends, school friends, work friends, and neighborhood friends. It was great. Of course the pinata I ordered about 12 days ahead of time did not get here until the next day. So the boys had a ball breaking that into a million pieces all by themselves on Saturday. Daddy seemed to rather enjoy it as well. I'll be sure to post some pictures when I get them on the computer.

And this weekend in finally my Cathe Road Trip weekend. I am very excited. I lost almost all the weight I wanted to lose before going to it, so that is good for me. I still have another 10-15 lbs to lose to be back where I was before getting pregnant with Georgia. I'll probably hold onto most of it until I am done nursing. That's just the way it seems to go. I can't wait to meet Cathe, and have a mostly childless weekend. Jeremy and Georgia are going with me, but the boys are staying home with my mom. She's coming in on Thursday night and taking them to practice on Friday and their game on Saturday morning. I don't think I've mentioned to her that I am also the snack mom :) She's in for a full weekend. Hopefully she took Monday off from work to recover. It's only Tuesday and I'm having to restrain myself from beginning to pack. Yeah, I'm excited!!

Huh?

Kaleb asked me today, "Mommy, next year, when I'm a midget (that's the next level after flags in the football league they play in)..." Crap, I don't even know what the actual question was, because I am so stunned this child wants to keep plugging away. I asked him if he wanted to play football again next year. "Well, yeah," he says. "Really, Kaleb, are you having fun this year?" "No. But next year, it will be tackle, so it will be fun!"

Sigh.

Huh?

OK. Whatever.

Cut and Run

I think, at some point, you have to know when to cut your losses. As it turns out this football thing was a terrible idea. It is so life consuming and the furthest thing from fun. Jeremy and I would be loving it if Kaleb wasn't HATING it. He's pretty good, extremely competitive, and he absolutely hates it! This weekend was just has been the straw that broke the camel's back. Apparently Kaleb was really tired (he plays both ways, the whole game.....he and about 4-5 other kiddos go both ways the whole game) and asked the coach how much time was left in the game because he was tired and they were losers. Something to that effect, anyway, we'll never know what really happened, because the coach is a dramatizing, negative jerk, and Kaleb is six. So of course we chewed Kaleb up one side and down the other after he ALREADY felt like crap because his team just got stomped 33 to zero. Tough morning, especially when you are six. He's learning some tough lessons. Lessons, neither Jeremy nor I think we ought to be having to teach a six year old.

And this, friends, is merely the TIP of the iceberg. It's been nothing but terrible, and Kaleb's done nothing but hate pretty much every minute of it past the days we stopped conditioning and started playing. You know, right when the actual fun was supposed to start? That is when it stopped being fun for him. A great deal of it is the coach, who, for all intents, is a good guy, but he is just terrible with young kids. He couldn't be MORE negative if he tried. In spite of me finally working up the courage to tell him he really needed to try and say some positive things to the kids, he just doesn't have it in him. All he could focus on at the end of the game was "one of leaders" comments about being losers. Don't get me wrong, Kaleb was out of line, but WHY would you make that the focus of your final thoughts on the game in front of 30 parents and 13, 4, 5, and 6 year olds? FIND SOMETHING, ANYTHING, positive, and focus on that! Why doesn't he get that? The kids HATE him, have no desire to please him, and they aren't having any fun. He was aggravated by the team mom's attempt to counter ALL his negativity by giving the kids little stickers to point out all the GOOD things they did. It was great, and he was annoyed by it!!!

I'm trying so hard not to be the parent who complains about the coach (don't all parents think the coach is terrible when the team can't win?). I'm trying so hard to do the right thing and to do the right thing by my kid. Unfortunately, I'm not sure those are the same two things right now. NOTHING is as it should be. Absolutely nothing. I could sit here and type a day long list of the issues we've faced over the last 4 weeks, any one of which are reason to be aggravated and seriously annoyed, but the combination of which are maddening and reason to cut and run. THIS after my husband and I spend 30 minutes teaching our kid a verbal lesson on the difference between a loser and winner while he bawls his little eyes out, has to apologize to a grown man who treats him like complete dirt, and suck it up and act like a big boy in front of his grandparents and our friends. It was just awful. Awful. And I have this sweet, sensitive kid that does not deserve this. And I'm really afraid that I'm going to lose the sweet and sensitive part of that kid if we keep pushing him to "be tough." He, as the quarterback, has taken to yelling at his linemen to "get lined up!" when, before, he was crushed by the coach repeatedly yelling it at all of them. He was so upset, both crying about and praying for Jeremy's stepdad, who had surgery on Tuesday, because he knew he was in a lot of pain. I LOVE that kid, and I want to do right by him.

Right now it feels like 'right by him' is to cut and run. I'm sure that will be easy to explain after my speech about losers being quitters.

I always say "Sometimes, being a parent is hard." That's wrong. Being a parent isn't that hard. Being a GOOD parent is hard. It's really hard right now, when I don't know which wrong choice is the right choice. It's wrong to quit, because I hate the message it sends, and it's wrong to keep doing this because I hate the message it is sending. sigh

Making the bad into good....

So, I recently have realized that I needed more diapers due to Georgia needing a change MUCH more often than before. I went to diaper swappers, a popular "mommy site" for buying and selling new and used baby and small kid things. Sort of like a consignment store online. I've used it for years, and been fortunate enough to never get scammed. Well, my fortune ended, as I got scammed last week. I at least ended up with something, instead of just someone stealing my money (which has happened so many times to others). The something I ended up with was just not in the condition described, so the pics I saw were fakes, etc. I was disappointed, but lucky enough to have the minimal sewing skills required to shaped them up, the bleach required to clean them up, and the determination to make bad into good.

All of this set into motion what you see above. I went to Hobby Lobby to get some of the things I'd need to repair those diapers, and got the idea to figure out a way to make some bows.....cheap. Bows are sooo expensive, so I have a love/hate relationship with those suckers. I found some cute bling, and some feather boas (which is all the new rave in bows, now) and BAM! cute bows. Now I even have people offering to buy them! I think I'll have to perfect my skills before they are worthy of being sold, for sure, but they will work for Georgia....and Laney too! So the black and white bow I'd been on the hunt for finally exists, and it exists in the newest fashion. Yeah, just call me Super MOM!

And to think none of this would have happened had I not gotten scammed on Diaper Swappers. Now that is the story of how bad got turned into a lot of good!!!

We have our first football game on Saturday!! News and pics to come!!

First Day of First Grade

And here I thought Kaleb wasn't too excited about school today. After crying yesterday about how he'd be gone all day and miss us, and saying he didn't want to start school today because school is BORING, I thought I'd be rushing around this morning getting him ready and there on time, and yet here I sit blogging at 6am. Yeah, he's been up since 530am. So he can say what he likes, action speak louder, and all....

So, we are certified to play football. That was a barrel of fun, let me tell you. Thank God for new/good friends and people who will take good, if only brief, care of my kids. We were late, but the Team Moms were waiting by the door the grab the kids out of the car and take them in, so all was well. I love my new friends Dawn and MIssy. They are AWESOME, and together, and organized, and responsible, and just my kind of mamas. They can take care of their own kids and all the other kids with parents too flaky to get places on time...amongst a whole host of other things parents do that warrant the need for strangers to do things for their kids.

Today is the beginning of another new normal. I think the house will be nice and quiet about 230pm when the boys will certainly be crashing after their 530am wake up!! Pics to come of my big first grader!!

Summer coming to a close

Wow! I haven't blogged in so long, but it is so hard to find time to sleep enough, let alone blog for 45 minutes. I get inspired reading other blogs, though, thinking I could be blogging when I'm reading :)

So, summer is about to come to a close. Our first summer since having a kid in school. We stayed super, super busy. We've been everywhere it seems. And if you follow me on Facebook you've seen all the pictures from our summer adventures. I'll make the synopsis short. The highlight was definitely Kaleb's profession of faith and baptism. Nothing is better than when your kids accepts Jesus as his personal savior. We feel 1/3 accomplished. We skipped the "buy a season pass to some local amusement park." A good decision, too. Georgia would not have been pleasant if we spent more than half our Saturdays at Sea World like last summer. I mean, really, the place is not that great when you have little bittys...there just isn't anything for the small kids to do. And Jaylan, watching Shamu for 45 minutes....yeah, he thinks that is cool exactly ONCE! We did VBS at least three times, a beach trip, a river trip, a trip or two to Nanni's and one to Grammy's. And a few weeks back we started football.

Football has sort of taken over life, and in all honesty was quite a bit more than I bargained for. It is VERY serious. It astounds me how serious we can be about some 5 year olds playing flag football. But it is serious stuff. And, oh yeah, it is HOT!!! In spite of the yelling coaches and up/downs in 100 degree heat, the boys are loving it. Georgia, not so much. She is being a trooper, though. We started the first to weeks for 5 days a week for two hours each day. The last two weeks have only been three day weeks for two hours each night. We'll keep that pace for the remainder of the season, adding in, of course games on Saturdays. We have our first game the 4th. And for this year, Kaleb and Jaylan are on the same team, so that is nice.

School starts Monday, and we are "meeting the teacher" tomorrow morning. Which reminds me, I should bother fixing my hair for that. First impressions and all :) Kaleb is going to a new school this year. The one that was being constructed just down the street when we moved in. I am very excited that he'll be just a 6 minute walk away, and very excited that I do not have to fight traffic every day twice to get him there and home. I'm not, however, excited about the fact that the school day starts at 730am. I mean, really, when is it they expect elementary school kids to sleep? Apart from that, I'm really looking forward to this new school. Jaylan doesn't start his preschool program until after Labor Day. He goes for 5 hours a day, three days a week to our program at church. He'll have Ms Jodi, who was also his Sunday School teacher (and who's husband is mine and Jeremy's SS teacher) until promotions last week. He just promoted out of her class, but he'll still have her during the week. I am especially pleased with that, because Ms Jodi is wonderful and she loves Jaylan.

So in a couple of short weeks it'll be just Georgia and I for the better part of most days. I'm telling myself I'll be less busy, but I know it isn't really true. I will fill those "only one child" hours with all the things it is harder to do with two or three, and then it will be time for the others to be home. And speaking of Georgia.....she crawls, she has teeth, she stands, she is her own little full time job! At 7 months she didn't crawl, she wasn't opinionated, she didn't eat solids, she had no teeth....oh man, the difference in a month when you are small :) She is QUITE opinionated now. And, the best thing is, she adores her brothers. You should see her face light up at them, it just warms this mommy's heart. And they love her back, so much. It's awesome. My children remind me, everyday, of what a great God we serve.

Jeremy is still working hard as ever. Harder, actually. It seems he is rarely home before 7 or 8pm. He's been helping lots just by getting dinner ready for the boys when they get home from football practice, so I can get Georgia to bed. We really are a team, lately, but all that teamwork sure doesn't leave much time for a conversation. 3am concrete placements and 8pm dinners make life tough, these days, but we are managing well, I think.

I have to add one thing to this post, before closing. I was clearing a bulletin board yesterday and there were a bunch of old Chuck E Cheese pics from El Paso. Apparently we spent a nice chunk of time at Chuck E Cheese. They have this little machine that takes and "draws" a pic of you. You know what I am talking about. We have a 1/2 dozen or so of those. I found one, and Jaylan's eye is crossed (you can clearly tell in this Chuck E Cheese drawing/pic of me and both boys), so it was from a time when that was still an issue. I remember a time when I wanted to burn every picture that had been taken when his eye was crossed, so I obviously didn't know this one existed. There aren't many pictures that were taken like this, it was only about 6 months, but there were some, and one done professionally. I've tucked them all away somewhere so I didn't have to see them repeatedly. This one, though, when I saw it yesterday, and my first thought was "wow, God is so good to me!" I decided it needed framing instead of hiding, because my perspective on that time has certainly changed. I no longer look back on that time as a time my child suffered, that I wish I could forget, but as a time God showed us just a glimpse of His greatness, mercy and power......a time, certainly, worth remembering.