Filled with You.

I've had the song, Great is Thy Faithfulness stuck in my head for most of this week.  I think God is reminding me that his faithfulness to me is so great in a time when I need it the most.  Because, really, isn't that the way our God works?

The boys are having a really hard time lately.  I'd like to blame it on the move and the adjustment process, but really, it's been 6 weeks, and that is starting to sound more like an excuse than a justification at this point.  Kaleb is struggling at school with the very idea that it does indeed take an effort to behave all day and make good grades.  Jaylan, however, has quite the opposite problem.  He pretty much shuts down the effort train when he walks in the front door.  That makes for a long day whether you are their teacher or their mother.  And if you are both?  Well, it makes for a long day!

In Hebrews I'm reminded, as the kids are reminded as well, that training is hard, and often painful. But that discipline leads to righteousness and peace.  (Hebrews 12:11)  So we begin yet another chapter of training here at home.  Training in responsibility.  Responsibility that ultimately leads to the ability to care for yourself and even others, in peace.

I'm so thankful that God is faithful to provide me the scripture that I need to help show my kids that these demands are not only those of faithful parents, but those of a faithful God.  I went searching for some scripture in Hebrews about perseverance.  (I'm not sure if I was searching for them or for  myself.)  But instead of finding exactly what I was looking for, I found exactly what I needed.  Because, really, isn't that the way our God works?  Yes, yes it is!

Let's play catch up.

I have a full twenty minutes before I have to leave to pick the boys from school, but I need to catch up!

I just read a draft of a post I tried to make, I'm not even exactly sure when.  It was titled football, football, football,.....clearly written in the throws of our last football season.  It had one line.  And that line ended with, "I'm just tired."  So that pretty much sums up the last 4-5 months.  Exhausting.

Football, the fourth one, where Jaylan played his last season of flag and Kaleb played his third season in tackled.  Both kid's teams made the playoffs, and Jaylan's team won their first playoff game.  It was a fantastically fun season, and we will miss terribly the friends and program we left behind in San Antonio.  Jaylan had a fantastic season, scoring touchdowns, catching passes, pulling flags, and getting to be on a really great team.  Kaleb's team wasn't as successful, but they were good enough to make playoffs, so better than most the teams in the area.  He started the season on the offensive line, earning his way to starting as a defensive end.  Which thrilled him beyond measure.  He quickly developed into quite the little defensive lineman.  We were very proud of them both.

We finally sold our house in mid December and moved to Frisco, Texas just days after Christmas.  We made the rounds to Ozona, then moved, then went back to San Antonio to close on the house, then made it to Houston to see Grammy.  We did more travelling in two weeks than we'd done in the last year, I'd say.  No rest for the weary.

The boys started a new school and they are really liking it.  We live in a fantastic little neighborhood filled with kids, and basketball goals galore.  Oh and we doubled the square footage of our home, so if you are in town, or near, please stop by, you have a place to stay!!  We've definitely got room for guests!

We've found a church we like, FBC as luck would have it is just down the road about 3 miles.  We've had our first snow, which was very exciting for the kids.  We've had visits from old friends, and new friends, and we have two invites to Super Bowl parties this weekend.  So, we are making along nicely. Frisco is wonderful, and unbelievably friendly.  The population here is only about 130,000 so it really is much more like a small town, and everyone is very community oriented.  We are looking forward to the time we will spend here.  I'm anxious to get the boys involved in football here, as much as they are looking forward to it.  This is Dallas, so there is no shortage of football and kids gung ho to play!

Well my twenty minutes is about up.  Off to the races!

Salvation

Jaylan found salvation! We were so excited to have him baptized this last Sunday. We feel 2/3 accomplished, and are so grateful to the Lord for putting us in churches and around people who love the Lord so that we can help our children come to know him too.

 I have found a voice that is no longer afraid to be the weird lady who mentions to people they need Jesus Christ. I don't know when God turned me into that person, but He did. Twice in one week I've told different people, people I've prayed for specifically to find salvation, that they needed salvation. That they need forgiveness and that they need to offer it to others. It's like someone else takes over my brain and body and I just can't hold it in. I think "someone else" does. At least, I hope it comes off that way....or it IS that way. I know I'm just planting seeds, and God will cultivate the rest, but I've never planted seeds in anyone over 5ft tall that I knew about, that I prayed over, that I spoke to. It feels.....obedient. I have ALWAYS loved pleasing my father. The difference here is the satisfaction of knowing I'm showing obedience to my REAL father is much more profound. Praise the Lord!!! And if you are reading this, please say a little prayer that these two people will fully come to accept the Lord.

EOSY Update!

Apologizing in advance for the lack of paragraphs...apparently blogger doesn't like them today :( How has it been since April that I blogged? Time flies when you are having fun....or raising kids....oh, wait, is that supposed to be fun? ;) School is out, and I am so glad. We finally have a pool to go to, and some more friends WITH pools who invite us over from time to time, and the weather is quite mild for almost half-way through June. Now, if we can just be healthy, it could turn out to be the best summer ever. Georgia has had the longest, worst cold of her little life. Nothing serious, just long and symptom-filled. Then right at the end of that, I got a stomach bug, which passed onto Jaylan and then Kaleb. So it's been a good ten days since I've had a decent night's sleep. I find myself napping a lot lately, and threatening the boys with naps should they prove loud enough to bother me during said naps. So between illnesses and naps, we are having a good time swimming and working out at the gym we joined for the summer. I did my first triathlon. It was hard. Harder than I expected, hopefully because I pushed myself harder than I thought I would. I'm anxious to do another, but it's really inconvenient. They start early, early, and I have to haul a bike there (which doesn't fit in an SUV) and hope Jeremy doesn't have to work. It's almost just not worth the trouble right now. I'm hoping to get in another one or two before the end of the year, though, even if they are the ones that are at the gym. Those count too!! Jeremy is working like a dog, late nights, weekends, the whole shebang. We are both anxious for this particular job to be over. It's been a rough one more than just for the longer days, but also for the job itself. He has learned a lot though, and I think we are both anticipating a promotion with our next move. Of course we aren't expecting, but hopefully anticipating. He's ready, but there still has to be need and opportunity within the company....it's a right place, right time kind of thing as much as it is anything. Regardless, we continue to be very grateful for his job. Kaleb and Jaylan both had really great school years. Kaleb's grades are fantastic, which is what is expected. He continues to excel academically, and is reluctantly reading some really challenging books this summer. I say reluctantly, because even though he is reading them, and liking them, I have to MAKE him do it every day. Jaylan has proven to be just as "good" at school as Kaleb. He excels much more in the charm department than Kaleb does, a talent he most certainly inherited from my better half. He is becoming such a sweet and loving kid. I tell him he's the sweetest thing I have. He also made a profession of Christ earlier this year, which we are over the moon happy about. We are still waiting on the Holy Spirit's timing with regard to baptism. Both boys also finished a spring season of football (THAT IS WHY I hadn't posted since April!!). It was short, and hard, but fun. Jaylan played tackle and did a GREAT job despite being the smallest one on the field every week. Kaleb never came off the field for his team, playing both defense and offense on a team of kids his age and a year older. Jaylan, too, played both ways and on all the special teams. We were super proud of them both!! Jaylan will return to flags in the fall and Kaleb will remain on the "rookie" squad. We are looking forward to them having great seasons, both personally, and their teams as well. And Georgia, well, she's a toddler, so she's making changes so often who can keep up? She's so spoiled by everyone. Being the littlest is such an easy gig. That said, the sibling rivalry has begun. She is very jealous and isn't coping very well with her brothers being home all the time now. She has to share her mommy most of the day, and she isn't happy about that at.all. But she's a pretty easy-going kid, and having a daughter still makes my heart swoon. I didn't even know my heart was really missing a place made just for a daughter, but we can just share stuff (like matching shoes and painted toes) that I can never share with my boys. Plus, by the time the boys were two, they'd already begun their preference for their Daddy. Which is how it should be. And, while Georgia likes her Daddy alright, she will, I presume, forever give her female parent the slight preference. And if I'm wrong for being the slightest bit happy about that, well, then I don't want to be right ;)

Healthy Pasta Your Kids Will Actually Eat!

I LOVE pasta, but let's face it, it is rarely ever a good choice in terms of calories and nutrition. Typically, it's high in one and low in the other. And while I can't make pasta have any less calories, I can certainly add so much nutrition to the sauce that the calorie content is less of a concern. Sort of a "the good outweighs the bad" kind of thing. That's typically my mission. If something is high in calories and/or fat, I try to amp up the nutrition, so at least I am getting good with bad. With my kids I am less concerned with calorie content, but highly concerned with nutrition. If your kids are at healthy weights and have mostly healthy diets, calories are less of a concern. Growing bodies need calories and fat, they just need them from a variety of nutritious sources!






So in an effort to make spaghetti, chicken parmesean, tortellinis, and a whole host of other pasta dishes my children LOVE, a choice for a meal I can feel good about, I have turned plain ole pasta sauce into a vegetable filled wonder your kids will love too!! It all starts with a lot of love, a little motivation, and a smidge of deceit. Yes, yes, as mothers it is our DUTY to deceive our children from time to time. THIS is one of those times!

It starts with a few basic ingredients: Noodles of your choosing, but go for the whole wheat ones, or even a mixture of half white, half whole wheat if you think your kids (or you) don't like whole wheat noodles. Then pasta sauce of your choosing. Yes, yes, I know, high in sodium, but I have a real problem with canned tomatoes, and kid's prefer canned sauce, so for us, a small glass jar of Prego is my choice. I prefer Prego because the ingredient list is pretty short, and no HFCS! You'll only need a small jar because the vegetables you are about to add will make it all saucy. And don't throw away that jar!! Olive oil, your choice of meat, three bell peppers (you choose the colors, I use one red, one green, one orange), half a sweet onion, mushrooms, and your choice of a squash (I prefer zucchini, but butternut is a good choice too!). And whatever pasta cheeses you like, of course!



Start cutting vegetables and dump them all into the large pot you are going to be making your sauce in. Mix it up, cut 'em whatever size you'd prefer to eat, because it won't matter (deceit, remember, we'll be employing it later). I do cut mine pretty small to reduce cook time. Dump the sauce on top and simmer with a lid. It takes a good while, but you'll have a nice sauce when it's done. I don't even add any seasoning because it isn't necessary. It's done when all your veges are soft.


Here is the vegetables and Prego mixed together and covered to simmer.


Here it is about 20 minutes later. See? Saucy.


While the sauce is cooking, I prepare my meat. Usually it is just ground meat (we eat mostly venison, but turkey, chicken, or beef are fine) for us, but sometimes I cut some chicken breasts for some chicken parmesean, which is what I've done for the purpose of this blog (just coincidence). I battered them in some whole wheat italian bread crumbs and browned them in some olive oil. With ground meat, you won't need the olive oil. Once the meat is cooked, you can add it to your sauce. For the chicken, I just lay it on top later, so no need to add. You also, obviously, don't NEED the meat. We just like it better with meat, but that is totally a choice. This sauce is just as good without anything else.



Once your sauce is done, break out the blender!!! You read that right, break out your blender. It is time to deceive your precious offspring. First off, that jar I insisted you keep, be sure to leave it out on the counter somewhere. Now, I'm not saying you should tell them your sauce is purely Prego, but if they assume, who are you to change their assumptions? :) Dump or spoon your sauce into the blender. (I LOVE this sauce so much, so I always save some the way that it is, because my husband and I love eating it unblended.) Blend it up and serve it up. It's also great leftover, so if you have way too much, freeze half for another day :)



Top with some cheese, and they'll never know. You may even hear a, "Mom, this is the best spaghetti you ever made!" I've heard it many times!! That tastes better than the sauce, I promise :)

I love my boys, but I hate their room.

I mean, really, really, really hate their room. I tried painting the walls before, but the room is so small and there is not one, but two, boys living in there!! It felt so tight and cramped, that it just seems like white is the way to go. I could choose something really light, I guess, but light colors don't exactly say "boy" to me. So, white just seems like the obvious choice. That means, however, the walls need some life! Fortunately one is covered almost completely by the bunk bed. Unfortunately, the only place the bed makes sense is in front of the room's only window. So that looks totally stupid, but there is really nothing to be done about it, save losing lots of drawer space, and that CAN NOT happen. They need it ALL!!!

So those are a lot of obstacles to overcome, but I can honestly say I don't HATE their room anymore. And to make matters more awesome, they keep it pretty clean now. It took some major rearranging, and, of course also involved a playroom remake. So here are some befores, afters, and tricks I used to make the playroom and my boy's room places I don't absolutely abhor, and instead places that are nice, inviting, and will hopefully make someone else desperately want to buy my house down the road :)

I decided their closet, which was such a mess of shoes they rarely wear, needed a makeover too. I needed a place to store football stuff too, since they are playing year round now, we always have equipment, plus they need access to compression tops, shorts, tshirt, jerseys, and pads so I'm not having to locate them 5 minutes before it's time to leave. So I emptied the bookshelf and stuck it in there. Now all the shoes they rarely wear are in there, along with a shelf per boy for football stuff. Then the shoes they wear often have a place in the front, but it is only one pair per boy.



Shelves I made for under $30, my fav being the top shelf with their football pics and trophies. Thanks to friends who caught these awesome photos last season. And a third wall with more football awards and pics. My mom bought them those football player collages. I love them since filling them with cute pics from last season....that, again, I got from friends.









And the bed covering the window. I still don't love that situation, but it's what I have to work with, so....yeah.



The walls still need some work, so if you cute stuff you want to get rid of, message me, I'll send you my address. :)

BACKSPLASH!

It definitely deserves a shout out! So very much work. I thought this would be a 3 or 4 day project. Bawahaha! More like a 3 WEEK project. It drove me absolutely crazy being unfinished, so some days I promised myself I would NOT paint all day. Most of those days I followed through on my no painting for today promise. Other times, I failed to, didn't work out or pay any more attention to the kids than they absolutely demanded. So it totally become a family commitment even though I was the only one doing the actual painting. I thought I'd never finish, but it's done and I'm happy with the way most of it looks. Now I just need to decorate above the cabinets. That means I have to spend some time on Pinterest getting great ideas to copy. Here are the before and after photos.

Canvas Art - Not as easy as it looks

Well, I've finally finished painting the living room and most of the kitchen, with the exception of the backsplash, which is proving to be difficult. Straight lines on textured walls are difficult to come by, especially when you want those lines to be a mere quarter of an inch wide. Someone forgot to let The Home Depot know the importance of stocking painter's tape in quarter inch rolls just for me. So I've several other projects going at the same time because a girl gets bored watching paint dry, and if the mess is already made, well, it should be utilized. That, and my mantra has become, "Less Pinning, More Doing." So, I did.

Here is a canvas I painted. I just used the same colors of my kitchen and living areas, but I can't figure out where to hang it. I used Kaleb's hands and feet because they seemed to be the most correct size. In restrospect, Jaylan was probably the better muse, but I still like the way it turned out.

This was the other one. It looks a lot like a third grader did it, so that may be what I let people believe, if need be. This one is all my own, as in I thought it up myself. Next time I'll be sure and utilize a paint pen instead of a paint brush. I love the way Jaylan's hand turned out (in blue) and I love that mine had a smidgeon of paint from my wedding band that got on there. Otherwise, this will likely be a wall hanger somewhere it won't be seen often. It will look good on a brown wall, however. The little cut out with the heart says '12. I'd do my whole house in stuff like this if I thought people wouldn't laugh at me behind my back ;)


So, as it turns out, all that canvas art you see on Pinterest....it's not as easy as it looks. I keep promise pics of my house remodel via paint, and it's coming. I started the backsplash yesterday, so in two weeks or so, I ought to be done. sigh

My next DIY

Project: FAIL!

I even took pictures to post along the way. Bawahaha! What a joke! Turns out you have to sand or at least put that neato "you don't have to sand it first paint" paint in order to spray paint a table. So now, what was a well intentioned table, turned into a DIYer's lesson learned.

So I moved to THESE BEAUTIES!




Yeah, I so did that myself, and I'm pretty darn proud of them. So proud, in fact, I'm pretty sure I'm making some more in "the most fabulous for my bedroom" fabric I've ever seen!! I think I'm only super proud because I'm basically a self-taught seamstress. And I used the word "seamstress" as loosely as possible. In fact, I only use "seamstress" because I've no idea of a synonym for such a word....a synonym that, by it's use, indicates less....much less.... ability and talent. I did, once, ask a friend (with amazing talent) to come and teach me the basics of my mom's sewing machine. From there, I was on my own. And I can still only sew an almost straight line, but I've learned a few tricks (taught in probably ever home-ec class ever given....but I was a jock WAY too cool for home-ec......oh, if I'd have only known how useless basketball would be and how useful home-ec would have been!!) along the path of self-teaching. I did put forth a grand effort (which I rarely do), have some curtains in another room that I was able to reference and copy, and, as I've said before, I'm a great copier!

I still have yet to tackle the backsplash, but I've picked colors out, so I'm getting there. There are a few things I have to get off my "to-do" list before I feel like I can start that.

That last sentence is a foreshadowing to my boy's "Science Fair' projects. Pray for me because I'd like them to be THEIR'S so THEY can be proud, and it will take every ounce of self-restraint to HELP rather than to DO! Of course, if previous class projects are any indication, my desire to restrain myself from doing it for them is a far-cry from most of these parent's complete willingness to do their child's homework for them. I just want my child to feel accomplished at the end for something other than writing their name.

So apparently I love DIY

My new love for Pinterest has made me realize, I'm no blogger, I'm a DIYer!!! So DIY I will! My husband will lose his mind in the process of me decorating and redecorating every room, but I will decorate and redecorate like crazy....so we'll both be crazy together!

I thought I'd blog my DIY projects, most of all of which, I will be copying from something I saw on Pinterest. So don't go thinking I'm crafty or creative. Neither of those am I. However I am a genius copycat! My two most recent productions:

The first inspired by Pinterest and, "Mooooom, what is for dinner?" said by at least one if not three children almost every single day. My mom had me over for the weekend so I could clean and organize my dad's office. I figured this was a great way to score some junk for a couple of DIY projects. Turns out the joke was on me, because all I got was a bunch of sneezing, a runny nose, a nice dinner, a grateful mom, and this ugly old nicely framed picture of a drilling rig....of course that nice frame was 35 years old at least! Also perfect for this DIY project! Counting paint and those expensive little sticker letters, this redo cost me less than $10.




The second is the finale to Jeremy throwing out a frame I literally cried over. It was a big misunderstanding brought on by the fact that we both only about half listen to each other when the kids are awake. Ok, ok, it's really just me that only listens about 50%, he listens about 85%. Anyway, I'm not a sentimental person (much to my mother's dismay and repeated preaching about how I'll regret that one day.....whatever) so I don't typically get upset about broken, lost, or missing things. This frame, however, was special to me (ironically, it was given to me by someone I'm not particularly fond of, but that's another story). It has a verse on it that I liked, and it held the very first picture of my family of 5. With this particular verse, which became Georgia's, it was something that reminded me of trial and victory both at the same time. You know, just the way God turns your deepest hurt and sorrow into something beautiful and wonderful and you are all the better for it. It's a long story how that came to be, but the point is that frame, holding that picture was very important to me. The piece that made it stand up broke, and I asked Jeremy to try and fix it. It wasn't fixable, and he didn't know I would have kept it and figured out another way to use it, so he chucked it. I didn't realize this until a day or two later and it was gone, gone, gone by then :( I cried. I admit it. I wasn't even hormonal or anything. I cried about a thing. Pathetic, I know. I didn't even cry when I lost the diamond to my engagement ring, but I cried over this stupid frame. Perspective. Anyway, this was the remake. I had this shadow box frame, and this was the remake of that frame. It isn't the same, but it's almost as good, and honestly, MUCH better looking.



Yes, that is a diaper....a tiny little diaper I kept from the dozen or so I'd already bought for the baby we lost.

Next up: I paint the backsplash and start redoing my kitchen! Jeremy won't love the process, but he's starting to like the stuff I do...when it is finished....as if finished is ever possible ;)

A HAPPY day indeed!

Today is a celebration of a first and a last, for me. My baby girl is one today, and today is the LAST first birthday we will celebrate at our house. First birthdays are always such a time for me to remember my children's actual birth and that experience. I guess, perhaps, because I can still remember well what it was like to be pregnant, and how I felt during the time of their birth. By the second birthday most of that has become more of a cloudy memory, rather than a very clear one. And, perhaps, Georgia being my last, I will remember more vividly the details of her birth. That, and it was short and drug free, therefore there is less to remember and there isn't a narcotic induced haze over it.

As always, I can't believe it has already been a year. One year just goes by so quickly. Especially since I do love babies, especially my own, so very much. Babies are just awesome. Apparently, I've some insane love affair with being TOTALLY depended upon. I do love it though, however crazy it may be. I think I'd have babies over and over, if you know, I didn't have to be pregnant first and keep raising them afterward.

So Georgia. Yeah, she's walking, and finally sleeping through the night. She's raising hell during the day, so strong willed and DEMANDING of her way. About 50% of the time she is crying hysterically because her toy (or me)...or, rather, whatever object she's decided is a toy at the moment, isn't doing exactly what she wants it to do. It's rather amusing. She claps if she hears anyone clapping. Sometimes I turn on Wheel of Fortune just to watch her reaction. They do a rather lot of clapping on that show, and she has to drop everything she is doing to join the clapping. Again, amusing. She laughs if she hears anyone else laughing. We went to dinner last night and the table next to us was a group consuming alcohol and being rather obnoxious. Though we hardly noticed for the one year old at our table laughing hysterically because it seemed to her like that's what you were supposed to do. Again, it's amusing. Who can't be amused by a baby doing a forced laugh?

Today, also, I pretend to be a PTA Mom. Ugh. I'm dreading it, and relishing in the fact that after today, I'm a third of the way done pretending to be something I'm sooooo not. I don't know why I keep thinking just regular people do things like volunteer at the school to help with class parties and other things the teachers need. You have to be a certain kind of person for these activities. I really don't understand why, because I appreciate greatly the teachers at, especially, an elementary school. I'd like to show my appreciation by helping in some ways. But, alas, I'm not good at brown nosing and chuckling at things that aren't remotely funny, or talking in a super sweet, albeit totally fake, voice. And I'm really terrible at acting like something is the most pleasant thing I've ever enjoyed when it is really something I am merely enduring for the sake of someone else. Why can't these moms just act normal? I'm not saying they ought to act like what they are doing is miserable. In fact, one gets a certain amount of joy from being around a bunch of happy kids! Indeed. But just act happy. You needn't put on a show so that everyone in the world thinks you are Super Woman. No one is buying it, anyway. I'm just not, nor will I ever be a PTA Mom. But three days this year, I will put on my fake smile, throw in my fake laugh, and spend and inordinate amount of time worrying over and putting on a party for 22 first graders. Then, I will go back to just being a mom. An imperfect one. I will have to go back to merely expressing my appreciation and gratitude with cards and small gifts. Hopefully my children's teachers are accepting that those things are good enough and that, they too, do not have to endure yet another mom pretending to be perfect....and a whole lot of other things she really isn't.

Just when you think you are done being totally surprised!

You'd think by now, having raised three kids to at least a year (well, almost, anyway) that there were very few things that could still freak me the hell out. You'd be wrong if you thought that. I do react with a little more sanity then, say, crying my eyes out over a newborn with a little eye infection because he's born with an unopened tear duct. We have ridden the gauntlet with our middle child, and he hasn't even gotten started, I'm rather certain. They still do things, almost weekly, that just make me freak out and think, "Oh crap, what do I do?" If the fear that reigns in me shows on my face, they'd all be freaking too. Apparently my husband has much more faith in my ability to handle a crisis since he can't even bother to break his stare from the TV when I actually say out loud, "Oh crap, what do I do?" And he's right, but I've yet to actually have faith in myself. Luckily I have great faith in God. I can talk myself out of a certain amount of fear because of His repeated and unending faithfulness to me. And so we start again, one freak out at a time. I must say, though, the third child may cause me just as many, "oh crap!" moments, but they sure do cost us less in unnecessary visits to the Dr.'s office.

Begin rant. Just skip this part if you don't want to read my rantings, which may be hard to follow.
And I just have to vent today about vaccinations and ignorant people. Someone posted on FB today an article about a ten year old boy who died of meningitis. Tragic? Yes. Preventable? Doubtful. It was just another scare tactic story used to try and convince people that vaccinations are the end all be all in medicine. Don't get me wrong, I am not anti-vax. No. Not.At.All. I vaccinate my kids, completely and sometimes even against my better judgment because the state tells me I have to (that's another rant all by itself). But this boy who died was ten years old and he (supposedly) caught meningitis at a swimming pool. The article, of course, goes on to blame the unvaccinated population, which, if you know anything about vaccinations, is absolutely stupid considering the facts. The first fact being that the vaccination is not even available to kids under 12 years old. The second fact being that the vaccination itself is relatively new, so MOST people aren't vaccinated for it. It's absolutely stupid to blame this tragedy on the non vaxing community. There's some stuff you can blame on them, but not this. And to do so just facilitates the same behavior on the "other side." Like the whole "vaccinations cause autism" crap. That too is scare tactic crap with no basis in scientific proof whatsoever. It's all conjecture, personal experience, and other "junk" science. No one can prove this poor boy's death could have been prevented because they have no idea where he really contracted the meningitis and/or if the person he contracted it from shoulda/woulda/coulda been vaccinated. And my experience tells me that people who actually choose to try and educate themselves in this arena, and believe me, it is a lot of work to do so, do something similar to what I do, which is delay/devise a new schedule than the recommended one. People who don't care and/or trust the medical community completely, do what the AAP recommends. And people who believe scare tactics don't vaccinate at all. Of course there are people who believe scare tactics and vaccinate fully, on AAP schedule too, though those seem MUCH more rare. Yet, somehow, I get lumped in with all the whackados that don't vaccinate. And, yes, if you are reading this and you don't vaccinate your kids at all, I just called you a whackado. You are playing with fire, and you (or your kids, actually) WILL get burned by this risky and irresponsible behavior. It's only a matter of time. Hopefully you don't, also, kill someone else in the process of your stupidity. Not only that, but all the whackados are getting closer and closer to making it so those of us that delay responsibly and carefully can't safely do that either. For example, I can safely delay the polio vaccine to a year. Polio has not been irradicated. But in the US we have great herd immunity, for now. If all these suburban housewives claiming education as a reason to not vaccinate don't wise up, that will no longer even be an option because the risk for contracting polio will be too great. So, if you are going to go against what virtually all of mainstream society is doing, and your doctor is recommending, you damn well better know what you are doing is RIGHT! And if your only justification is some random, ridiculous scare tactic like, "my child might get autism," then you better start reading, because vaccines DO NOT CAUSE AUTISM!! And "because someone told me _________ happened to their kid, and I don't want that to happen to mine," is never a reason to do or not do something. Personal examples mean nothing. Scientific fact, however, does mean something. WHEW! End rant.

How is it Thanksgiving? How is my sweet baby girl, who was just eating, pooping, and sleeping without even being able to move herself, now walking, talking, severing frenulums, and just one month shy of a year? Oh time, please slow down. I know that I will have many seasons of my life, but I am certain this will be my most favorite one, so please let it go by ever so slowly. Please. I will try my very best to complain little, love much, and enjoy it, if you will just make it go really slow. Thanks.

I finally got to meet Cathe Friedrich and have a awesome weekend of fitness. It was great, and I've been so inspired to get even more fit. She is such a great motivation. I bought another DVD and am chompin' at the bit to buy even more.

Football is coming to a close. The boys last game is Saturday. The boys have had fun, but I am so glad it is almost over now.

Kaleb has lost his two front teeth now, courtesy of our dentist, again. Poor kid has lost 6 teeth now, but has yet to pull one himself. I really thought this one might come on it's own, but no such luck. None of the permanent teeth are dissolving the roots of the baby teeth, so the dentists has to pull them all. Poor guy, and poor Daddy's pocket book. We went the cheap route this last time, which caused significantly more dramatics, but Mommy hung out in the waiting room and Daddy dealt with the overreacting 6 year old. :) Speaking of teeth, the littlest one has a whole mouthful now. It's so cute. If you smile at her, she's taken to cheesing back at you, showing off all her pearly whites. She says "uh oh" and will give me some slobbery open mouthed kisses on cue, most of the time. And I'm going to pay for my raising with her. With Kaleb, I don't think Jeremy or I either one is paying for anything. He's pretty much perfect as far as 6 year olds go. Jaylan, well that is me paying for my brother's raising, which is completely unfair, but certainly helps me appreciate and value so many qualities and personality traits that I do not, myself, possess. And Georgia, well she throws HUGE fits because her toys don't behave the way she wants. Yes, her will is strong, a personality trait my mom has many times accused me of possessing. It's quite humorous, for now, however, I expect that strong will to challenge my own someday in ways more significant than the occasional temper tantrum caused when she isn't allowed to play in the toilet water.

It's been awhile since I last blogged. Football has gotten significantly better, however, it seems every Monday there is new drama. It's kind of just rolling of my back at this point because it is getting to be what is normal and expected. Yesterday they let one of the two coaches go from the Flag Team. He made a big cursing scene with a referee at the last game when his child was suspended for two games for choking another kid. Yeah, pretty sure those two needed the 'old heave ho' anyway. I was surprised by the behavior of both of them, but it's been escalating for some time now. Someone please shoot me if I mention playing football again next year. Kaleb is already looking forward to tackle, especially now that he is starting to have fun playing flag, but this sort of thing is just not for me and mine. They had a homecoming game, complete with queens, kings, dukes, duchesses, princes, and princess. It was so over the top, I kinda wanted to puke. But, in fairness, they did a relatively decent job a keeping kids from feeling left out/unpopular, and they did have a really good time. Our flaggers even almost won a game. They lost 12-14, which is the first game they've scored more than once in. Kaleb was named "Offensive Beast" for some great blocking for the runnning back, that lead, once, to a touchdown. I was proud. He is really starting to understand the game. :)

In other news, we recently hired a financial planner. Actually, he is a friend of mine from high school and a guy he went to college with that he's now in business with. I'm pretty excited about the prospect of an actual plan for our finances beyond how much money we'll spend on groceries this month. It's been a long time coming, but we just couldn't procrastinate it anymore. I think, especially Jeremy, is tired of seeing hard earned money just wasted away because we don't have any real goals or plans put into motion. It doesn't annoy me so much as it makes me worry. I worry about the future. The verse, "Who by worrying adds even one minute to their lives?" replays in my head quite frequently. Next week we meet with them again to start setting some goals. In the meantime, I've been tasked with gathering up everything that gives a picture of our lives. Everything. Yeah, it's not so much fun doing that. But I'll be significantly more organized after next week. :)

Georgia is fighting a cold, has been for like 10 days now. She's been sleeping until 9am occasionally, and last night I figured out why. She coughed from 330am to 430am. Yeah, I guess that means she'll need an extra hour of sleep somewhere. Poor baby. Just one of the many things in her path to becoming tough enough to survive being the baby in this house.

Jaylan is officially 5 and I am officially 32. Both our birthdays were last week. We had a nice home birthday party for Jaylan with church friends, school friends, work friends, and neighborhood friends. It was great. Of course the pinata I ordered about 12 days ahead of time did not get here until the next day. So the boys had a ball breaking that into a million pieces all by themselves on Saturday. Daddy seemed to rather enjoy it as well. I'll be sure to post some pictures when I get them on the computer.

And this weekend in finally my Cathe Road Trip weekend. I am very excited. I lost almost all the weight I wanted to lose before going to it, so that is good for me. I still have another 10-15 lbs to lose to be back where I was before getting pregnant with Georgia. I'll probably hold onto most of it until I am done nursing. That's just the way it seems to go. I can't wait to meet Cathe, and have a mostly childless weekend. Jeremy and Georgia are going with me, but the boys are staying home with my mom. She's coming in on Thursday night and taking them to practice on Friday and their game on Saturday morning. I don't think I've mentioned to her that I am also the snack mom :) She's in for a full weekend. Hopefully she took Monday off from work to recover. It's only Tuesday and I'm having to restrain myself from beginning to pack. Yeah, I'm excited!!

Huh?

Kaleb asked me today, "Mommy, next year, when I'm a midget (that's the next level after flags in the football league they play in)..." Crap, I don't even know what the actual question was, because I am so stunned this child wants to keep plugging away. I asked him if he wanted to play football again next year. "Well, yeah," he says. "Really, Kaleb, are you having fun this year?" "No. But next year, it will be tackle, so it will be fun!"

Sigh.

Huh?

OK. Whatever.

Cut and Run

I think, at some point, you have to know when to cut your losses. As it turns out this football thing was a terrible idea. It is so life consuming and the furthest thing from fun. Jeremy and I would be loving it if Kaleb wasn't HATING it. He's pretty good, extremely competitive, and he absolutely hates it! This weekend was just has been the straw that broke the camel's back. Apparently Kaleb was really tired (he plays both ways, the whole game.....he and about 4-5 other kiddos go both ways the whole game) and asked the coach how much time was left in the game because he was tired and they were losers. Something to that effect, anyway, we'll never know what really happened, because the coach is a dramatizing, negative jerk, and Kaleb is six. So of course we chewed Kaleb up one side and down the other after he ALREADY felt like crap because his team just got stomped 33 to zero. Tough morning, especially when you are six. He's learning some tough lessons. Lessons, neither Jeremy nor I think we ought to be having to teach a six year old.

And this, friends, is merely the TIP of the iceberg. It's been nothing but terrible, and Kaleb's done nothing but hate pretty much every minute of it past the days we stopped conditioning and started playing. You know, right when the actual fun was supposed to start? That is when it stopped being fun for him. A great deal of it is the coach, who, for all intents, is a good guy, but he is just terrible with young kids. He couldn't be MORE negative if he tried. In spite of me finally working up the courage to tell him he really needed to try and say some positive things to the kids, he just doesn't have it in him. All he could focus on at the end of the game was "one of leaders" comments about being losers. Don't get me wrong, Kaleb was out of line, but WHY would you make that the focus of your final thoughts on the game in front of 30 parents and 13, 4, 5, and 6 year olds? FIND SOMETHING, ANYTHING, positive, and focus on that! Why doesn't he get that? The kids HATE him, have no desire to please him, and they aren't having any fun. He was aggravated by the team mom's attempt to counter ALL his negativity by giving the kids little stickers to point out all the GOOD things they did. It was great, and he was annoyed by it!!!

I'm trying so hard not to be the parent who complains about the coach (don't all parents think the coach is terrible when the team can't win?). I'm trying so hard to do the right thing and to do the right thing by my kid. Unfortunately, I'm not sure those are the same two things right now. NOTHING is as it should be. Absolutely nothing. I could sit here and type a day long list of the issues we've faced over the last 4 weeks, any one of which are reason to be aggravated and seriously annoyed, but the combination of which are maddening and reason to cut and run. THIS after my husband and I spend 30 minutes teaching our kid a verbal lesson on the difference between a loser and winner while he bawls his little eyes out, has to apologize to a grown man who treats him like complete dirt, and suck it up and act like a big boy in front of his grandparents and our friends. It was just awful. Awful. And I have this sweet, sensitive kid that does not deserve this. And I'm really afraid that I'm going to lose the sweet and sensitive part of that kid if we keep pushing him to "be tough." He, as the quarterback, has taken to yelling at his linemen to "get lined up!" when, before, he was crushed by the coach repeatedly yelling it at all of them. He was so upset, both crying about and praying for Jeremy's stepdad, who had surgery on Tuesday, because he knew he was in a lot of pain. I LOVE that kid, and I want to do right by him.

Right now it feels like 'right by him' is to cut and run. I'm sure that will be easy to explain after my speech about losers being quitters.

I always say "Sometimes, being a parent is hard." That's wrong. Being a parent isn't that hard. Being a GOOD parent is hard. It's really hard right now, when I don't know which wrong choice is the right choice. It's wrong to quit, because I hate the message it sends, and it's wrong to keep doing this because I hate the message it is sending. sigh

Making the bad into good....

So, I recently have realized that I needed more diapers due to Georgia needing a change MUCH more often than before. I went to diaper swappers, a popular "mommy site" for buying and selling new and used baby and small kid things. Sort of like a consignment store online. I've used it for years, and been fortunate enough to never get scammed. Well, my fortune ended, as I got scammed last week. I at least ended up with something, instead of just someone stealing my money (which has happened so many times to others). The something I ended up with was just not in the condition described, so the pics I saw were fakes, etc. I was disappointed, but lucky enough to have the minimal sewing skills required to shaped them up, the bleach required to clean them up, and the determination to make bad into good.

All of this set into motion what you see above. I went to Hobby Lobby to get some of the things I'd need to repair those diapers, and got the idea to figure out a way to make some bows.....cheap. Bows are sooo expensive, so I have a love/hate relationship with those suckers. I found some cute bling, and some feather boas (which is all the new rave in bows, now) and BAM! cute bows. Now I even have people offering to buy them! I think I'll have to perfect my skills before they are worthy of being sold, for sure, but they will work for Georgia....and Laney too! So the black and white bow I'd been on the hunt for finally exists, and it exists in the newest fashion. Yeah, just call me Super MOM!

And to think none of this would have happened had I not gotten scammed on Diaper Swappers. Now that is the story of how bad got turned into a lot of good!!!

We have our first football game on Saturday!! News and pics to come!!

First Day of First Grade

And here I thought Kaleb wasn't too excited about school today. After crying yesterday about how he'd be gone all day and miss us, and saying he didn't want to start school today because school is BORING, I thought I'd be rushing around this morning getting him ready and there on time, and yet here I sit blogging at 6am. Yeah, he's been up since 530am. So he can say what he likes, action speak louder, and all....

So, we are certified to play football. That was a barrel of fun, let me tell you. Thank God for new/good friends and people who will take good, if only brief, care of my kids. We were late, but the Team Moms were waiting by the door the grab the kids out of the car and take them in, so all was well. I love my new friends Dawn and MIssy. They are AWESOME, and together, and organized, and responsible, and just my kind of mamas. They can take care of their own kids and all the other kids with parents too flaky to get places on time...amongst a whole host of other things parents do that warrant the need for strangers to do things for their kids.

Today is the beginning of another new normal. I think the house will be nice and quiet about 230pm when the boys will certainly be crashing after their 530am wake up!! Pics to come of my big first grader!!

Summer coming to a close

Wow! I haven't blogged in so long, but it is so hard to find time to sleep enough, let alone blog for 45 minutes. I get inspired reading other blogs, though, thinking I could be blogging when I'm reading :)

So, summer is about to come to a close. Our first summer since having a kid in school. We stayed super, super busy. We've been everywhere it seems. And if you follow me on Facebook you've seen all the pictures from our summer adventures. I'll make the synopsis short. The highlight was definitely Kaleb's profession of faith and baptism. Nothing is better than when your kids accepts Jesus as his personal savior. We feel 1/3 accomplished. We skipped the "buy a season pass to some local amusement park." A good decision, too. Georgia would not have been pleasant if we spent more than half our Saturdays at Sea World like last summer. I mean, really, the place is not that great when you have little bittys...there just isn't anything for the small kids to do. And Jaylan, watching Shamu for 45 minutes....yeah, he thinks that is cool exactly ONCE! We did VBS at least three times, a beach trip, a river trip, a trip or two to Nanni's and one to Grammy's. And a few weeks back we started football.

Football has sort of taken over life, and in all honesty was quite a bit more than I bargained for. It is VERY serious. It astounds me how serious we can be about some 5 year olds playing flag football. But it is serious stuff. And, oh yeah, it is HOT!!! In spite of the yelling coaches and up/downs in 100 degree heat, the boys are loving it. Georgia, not so much. She is being a trooper, though. We started the first to weeks for 5 days a week for two hours each day. The last two weeks have only been three day weeks for two hours each night. We'll keep that pace for the remainder of the season, adding in, of course games on Saturdays. We have our first game the 4th. And for this year, Kaleb and Jaylan are on the same team, so that is nice.

School starts Monday, and we are "meeting the teacher" tomorrow morning. Which reminds me, I should bother fixing my hair for that. First impressions and all :) Kaleb is going to a new school this year. The one that was being constructed just down the street when we moved in. I am very excited that he'll be just a 6 minute walk away, and very excited that I do not have to fight traffic every day twice to get him there and home. I'm not, however, excited about the fact that the school day starts at 730am. I mean, really, when is it they expect elementary school kids to sleep? Apart from that, I'm really looking forward to this new school. Jaylan doesn't start his preschool program until after Labor Day. He goes for 5 hours a day, three days a week to our program at church. He'll have Ms Jodi, who was also his Sunday School teacher (and who's husband is mine and Jeremy's SS teacher) until promotions last week. He just promoted out of her class, but he'll still have her during the week. I am especially pleased with that, because Ms Jodi is wonderful and she loves Jaylan.

So in a couple of short weeks it'll be just Georgia and I for the better part of most days. I'm telling myself I'll be less busy, but I know it isn't really true. I will fill those "only one child" hours with all the things it is harder to do with two or three, and then it will be time for the others to be home. And speaking of Georgia.....she crawls, she has teeth, she stands, she is her own little full time job! At 7 months she didn't crawl, she wasn't opinionated, she didn't eat solids, she had no teeth....oh man, the difference in a month when you are small :) She is QUITE opinionated now. And, the best thing is, she adores her brothers. You should see her face light up at them, it just warms this mommy's heart. And they love her back, so much. It's awesome. My children remind me, everyday, of what a great God we serve.

Jeremy is still working hard as ever. Harder, actually. It seems he is rarely home before 7 or 8pm. He's been helping lots just by getting dinner ready for the boys when they get home from football practice, so I can get Georgia to bed. We really are a team, lately, but all that teamwork sure doesn't leave much time for a conversation. 3am concrete placements and 8pm dinners make life tough, these days, but we are managing well, I think.

I have to add one thing to this post, before closing. I was clearing a bulletin board yesterday and there were a bunch of old Chuck E Cheese pics from El Paso. Apparently we spent a nice chunk of time at Chuck E Cheese. They have this little machine that takes and "draws" a pic of you. You know what I am talking about. We have a 1/2 dozen or so of those. I found one, and Jaylan's eye is crossed (you can clearly tell in this Chuck E Cheese drawing/pic of me and both boys), so it was from a time when that was still an issue. I remember a time when I wanted to burn every picture that had been taken when his eye was crossed, so I obviously didn't know this one existed. There aren't many pictures that were taken like this, it was only about 6 months, but there were some, and one done professionally. I've tucked them all away somewhere so I didn't have to see them repeatedly. This one, though, when I saw it yesterday, and my first thought was "wow, God is so good to me!" I decided it needed framing instead of hiding, because my perspective on that time has certainly changed. I no longer look back on that time as a time my child suffered, that I wish I could forget, but as a time God showed us just a glimpse of His greatness, mercy and power......a time, certainly, worth remembering.

Journaling

It's really not my thing, but I am realizing its significance, and perhaps even importance.

Here is something I should have journaled about long ago. Something I wrote because I was asked to talk about it with my Bible study group next week.

Hi. Well I don’t know where to begin, really. Most of you guys don’t know me. I don’t attend Cross Bridge. Actually we are members of Bulverde Baptist Church in Bulverde. I’ve come to be involved with Cross Bridge’s Ladies Ministry through JoLynn Posey, who I went to high school with. That itself is just a blessing from God because we only moved here in May and JoLynn has been instrumental in helping me maintain a strong relationship with God in the midst of moving to a new town away from one you loved, a town your husband doesn’t work in for the entire spring and summer, and having my first kid start school this year. It was a crazy summer, and I was so glad to be a part of the summer series with Cross Bridge’s ladies because it was some of the only proof I had this summer that God was indeed in San Antonio too, not only just back home.

I really don’t even know where to start this story because it has been such a long story in the making. Well, at least for me it seemed long. I guess I’ll just start at the beginning. On New Year’s Eve of 2007…so the night before 2008…last January I was about 15 weeks pregnant with our third child. I began bleeding, and my husband and I went to the ER, being that it was New Year’s Eve. The ultrasound showed a perfectly formed little body complete with 10 toes and 10 fingers, but no heartbeat. I have to interject here that I have lived this charmed little life. I’ve never suffered through much of anything, so mourning, loss, depression, real suffering were all a VERY new concept to me. I didn’t even really know how to suffer, but I was about to learn. I did the regular questioning of God and begging for an answer to the WHY?? that I knew God MUST have for me. It was a very dark time for me, something I know has changed me forever in numerous ways. I was sad, I was angry, I felt VERY lost, and it was not something that ended after a short time. I’m sure anyone that has endured a miscarriage, especially one nearly half way into a pregnancy knows exactly how I must have felt.

So now I have to skip to the part of the story where I am here, involved in the David Study we did this summer. Now, through that study alone, I learned a lot, and God revealed many things to me, but I was still very much dealing with my miscarriage from the previous year. Partially it was because I wasn’t “over it” and mostly because I was pregnant again, just 13 weeks when we started, and struggling VERY much (as I continue to do) with just trusting God with this baby. I agonized over everything, though I tried very hard not to, and convince myself I wasn’t, I was, and I often still do. I refused to do anything other than just be pregnant. I didn’t wear maternity clothes until I absolutely HAD to. I continued to work out as though I had no physical limitations, and I made the extra room the guest room when we moved. I bought nothing, and didn’t consider buying anything. I stayed as disconnected as I possibly could, justifying that thinking that if I didn’t allow myself to get attached, I wouldn’t be as hurt when my hopes were stripped away. I just wouldn’t have any hope, then I couldn’t lose anything. I am sure I am not the only person who has been in that place.

ENTER BETH MOORE!

What a revelation through her words did God have for me and, though I don’t feel completely transformed, I am no longer afraid to have hope. To have hope that in a few weeks I will deliver a healthy baby girl!

So what did God reveal you might ask. Well this is the best part of the whole story. Beth talked a lot about devastation, and what it is like in the bottom of the pit of despair. She talked about the way God can redeem us from those circumstances if we are willing to be redeemed. Christians do one of two things when we enter a time of need or hurting. We turn to God or we turn away from God. And after my loss, I turned to God. I spent so much time in tearful prayer, mostly trying to understand the new concept of grief in faith. Whether I recognized it or not, at the time, my relationship with God was indeed growing. I felt deserted, but He was there, sustaining me all along. He never left me, and he filled my saddest moments with whatever I needed at the time. And looking back, especially, I can see that. About a week after my miscarriage, I lost the center stone in my engagement ring somewhere between Upward practice and home. Needless to say, I had quite a bit of perspective on the loss of a THING. If that had happened the weeks previous, I’m embarrased to think at how I may have reacted over the loss of just a THING.

As my relationship with God grew, something I probably wasn’t even acutely aware of the time, another drama began to unfold. My youngest son, then about 2.5, woke up one morning with a crossed eye. This began in early March of that year, so about 2 months later. We were in the Ped’s office that morning, who had us in the Ophthalmolgist’s office later, and then to a Radiologist later that day for an MRI. Sudden onset of eye crossing in a child of that age very often means brain tumor. And unfortunately for me, at the time, I knew that before we even went to the Ped’s office. Well, praise God, it wasn’t a brain tumor, and we went back and forth to Dr appts for 6 months with no explanation for the crossing, which never went away inspite of several different and exhausting therapies. About 5 months into it, our Dr suggested surgery, which would have to be on both his eyes at one time. We even took him to Oklahoma to see a Pediatric Neuro Opthlamologist who did a very thorough exam, and ultimately rec’d surgery. We went home and had surgery in September of last year. And I am happy to say that it was successful and even the problems that he had as a result of the crossed eye have resolved, which only do so about 50% of the time. We feel so blessed that his outcomes were as good as they get.

Now I know you are wondering how all of these event tie together. Well Beth tied it altogether for me. Something she talked about at length was about being IN a relationship with God. When a stranger calls you on the phone, you don’t recognize their voice because you don’t have a relationship with them. But when your best friend or your husband calls, they don’t even need to identify themselves. You talk to them all the time, you know their voice, so they can just start talking you’ll know who you are hearing. That is no different than our relationship with God. You could totally be going through the motions, doing all the things you know you are supposed to do and still not be in a relationship with God. Spending time in prayer, with God, talking to Him and opening yourself to his response and to His voice is being in a relationship with God. When you are in a relationship with Him, when you are talking to Him, depending upon Him, and pouring your soul over His words, you will recognize his voice when he speaks to you.

I finally understood what God was working out for me when I lost that baby last year. God used that circumstance to draw me into a deeper relationship with Him because he knew my future. He knew my son's future. He knew my response to losing a child, would be to turn to Him for the answers only He had. He knew that if I wasn’t in a deeper relationship with Him, I wouldn’t recognize His voice when my son desperately needed me to recognize his voice. We spent months praying and asking God for answers about how to treat our son. And when we decided to go ahead with a surgery that wasn’t guaranteed to work, I was CERTAIN it was God’s voice telling me that was the right decision. A voice I’m not certain I would have recognized distinctly if I’d not been drawn into a deeper relationship with God because of great suffering. This summer I finally understood that I had to lose that baby in order for God to use my grief and sorrow as a time to draw me to Himself. That sorrow lead me into such a close relationship with God that when He spoke to me, I knew His voice.

He also knew that I’d have that baby girl my heart so longed for, but that it would be in His time, not in mine. And the transformation from waiting on the impending doom and unending despair into hope and renewal came only a short time after God revealed all of this to me. From the beginning of this pregnancy, when I refused to have any hope, to now, living in Romans 5:3-5 which is sustaining me with only 11 weeks to go. Romans 5:3-5 says:… we^[c] also rejoice in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; ⁴perseverance, character; and character, hope. ⁵And hope does not disappoint us, because God has poured out his love into our hearts by the Holy Spirit, whom he has given us.” (NIV)